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Stories of Change

Intolerance To Love

Is Love A Crime?

 
 
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    Together at last

    A story of two families that chose love over caste

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    Together at last
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    No country for lovers

    Honour killings continue to take place across the country, from Haryana and Uttar Pradesh in the north to West Bengal in the east and Tamil Nadu in the south

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    No country for lovers
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    Soldier Of Justice

    As a Superintendent of Police in Haryana, Satheesh Balan speaks out against caste violence, which is rampant in the state and several other parts of India.

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    Soldier Of Justice
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    NGO YOU SUPPORTED: HIMMAT MAHILA SAMOOH

    To love without fear

    If anything can break down the barriers of caste, class and religion, it is love. Yet couples in India are harassed and sometimes killed because of whom they choose to love. To give strength to those up against such deep-seated intolerance is Himmat Mahila Samooh.

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    NGO YOU SUPPORTED: HIMMAT MAHILA SAMOOH
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    Your Story

    Read experiences shared by viewers

     

    His family was totally against of it, all relatives also because my caste ,some times i feel that is my caste is soo. . that everyone hates this, but my husband he loves me soo much that he tried to convince all family members for this marriage for this we waited for 5 years

    sir,i m mamta belong to hardwar,uttarakhand, i want to share my marriage story , my marriage is intercaste marriage , i belong to SC category and my husband belong to OBC category ,he is living with joint family , we met during our B.tech course in the year 1999 ,we decided to marriage after settle down , his family was totally against of it, all relatives also because my caste ,some times i feel that is my caste is soo. . that everyone hates this, but my husband he loves me soo much that he tried to convince all family members for this marriage for this we waited for 5 years in the year 2008, 11 feb,but still some family members were not happy, they created so many problems mother~ in~ law was in depression, she afraid of honor killing ,but my husband was so supportive that he manages all of these things ,we are now happy married working couple and having a sweet four months old girl child and my in~laws and my parents both are very happy. but sometimes i think that,why caste is so important for a marriage ,we proves to the those people that intercaste marriages are also successful in the society.

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    I don't wanna hurt parents . I don't can't leave my love because we are bonded . Everyone only bothers about their SAMAJ . They don't understand that it spoils 3 major lives when marriage is done with force.

    It was a wonderful day i met my childhood love and we didn't know how,when ....all that love ignited . Its been 4 years and i have been fighting at home to prove love is true and beautiful . In the meanwhile my dad got an heart attack and one day he yelled at me that I was the reason for his heart attack . I was not agreeing for any engagement with proposals which were coming in and my parents felt that was a shame for them to say NO to them. One day my mom feels sick and my brother takes her to a doctor and doctor says her nervous system has become weak and she can get a heart attack . Now all the pressure on me like i am killing my parents so much. I don't get whats so wrong in loving a person and wanting to spend the life with lover. After all i am made up of my parents . Now they have forced me to engage and i am 23 . Who is that now can rescue or should probably do in such a situation . Should i run away ? I don't wanna hurt parents . I don't can't leave my love because we are bonded . Everyone only bothers about their SAMAJ . They don't understand that it spoils 3 major lives when marriage is done with force.

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    I was bothered that my relatives wud keep a distance from my parents for letting our marriage happen. But i am happy that they stood by my parents thru out and still are very close to all of us. I'm happy that we took the right decision and happy to see that everyone is happy for us.

    Ours is an inter-caste marriage too though we never believe in castes and religions. By birth i belong to an orthodox Hindu Brahmin family financially well off. I was like a princess in our area. I fell in love with my degree classmate Pradeep who's a Menon and supposedly not from such financially well off family. His family (his parents and his brother and wife) were very supportive though they never wanted us to go against my family's wishes. We finished graduation and got jobs and started saving for our marriage and future. Pradeep spoke to my parents about us and my parents told they'll never agree and if i wanted i cud get out of the house and get married. Then on they'll think i never existed. For 5 years my mother rarely spoke to me let alone normally. I was the only child and was going thru hell. Though we rarely even spoke over phone my parents believed we met frequently. Finally after Pradeep got a small job in a reputed company i spoke about our matter to my uncle who understood the situation well. He spoke to Pradeep and me separately and decided to talk to my father about us. Still they were not willing to get us married. Finally we took a decision since I was 25 by the time and did not want to regret delaying the marriage and it was getting difficult for my family also since alliances kept coming for me. We both were very clear that we wud not elope whatever may happen. His family took initiatives and we decided on a date after which his parents came and spoke with mine. Finally after much compulsion from my uncle they agreed to just attend the simple function at a temple. My wedding which wud have been a celebration otherwise turned out to be a very simple function with hardly 10 attendees. We had of course arranged a reception for about 200 - 300 of our friends and his relatives since most of mine were not interested. Anyhow as we believed after a couple of weeks my parents started talking to us. They left our town the same evening of our marriage to Chennai to stay with my father's brother's and my Grandpa who'd gone there on few months back. Slowly but steadily things were back to normal since i used to call them every weekend to make them understand i never left them for Pradeep. I always wanted everyone including me to be happy. Most surprising matter was when we went home to meet my Grandpa. My father warned me that he may fire us out of the house. Still i went over and asked his blessings and he was quite cool abt the whole issue. Whether he accepted us wholeheartedly or not in the first instance it broke the ice. Few of my relatives who were a bit wary of us at least in front of him were now very free. Things fell into place soon and we were back in the family. I only wished my Father wud have been there a little longer to see our son grow up. He left us when my son was hardly 2 months. He was diagnosed to cancer around the same I realised that I was pregnant. Pradeep made sure that we went over and show our son to my father who was being treated at Chennai. We came back with a heavy heart after we saw my father's condition and were trying to get a transfer or get another job in Chennai so that we can stay with my parents till we get him cured of it. Within 10 days he expired. Pradeep was the one to suggest we stay with my mother since i am their only child. Our son made a big difference and he's the only one responsible for getting my mother back to live life normally. Its been 7 years now since my father left us and since then my mother's staying with us and we visit Pradeep's parents whenever we get a day off. We're into business and my mother supports us completely by taking care of our 7 year old son who's her best friend. I was bothered that my relatives wud keep a distance from my parents for letting our marriage happen. But i am happy that they stood by my parents thru out and still are very close to all of us. I'm happy that we took the right decision and happy to see that everyone is happy for us. Many of my elder cousins spoke to me before my marriage to try and get me out of the relationship with Pradeep. I'm happy i listened to every word they said and thanked them for their concerns and promised them we'll not let u down. They're all very happy to see us happy. After all thats what every one wants .. to make sure their kids are happy rt.. Only if my parents had the courage to stand by me it cud have been a lot more easier on us. Anyhow the bond just got stronger since they stood close knit all thru. I believe Faith and Love can bring magic to life ..

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    I did court marriage in last year in october but not living with my husband because my mother in law did not accept our marriage. I hope she watch this show and change her mind. she want us to divorce asap.

    hi , m Anju. I live in Australia from 5 and half years and my family live in india. Dear Aamir ji you working like an angel. I wanna share my own story. I did court marriage in last year in october but not living with my husband because my mother in law did not accept our marriage. I hope she watch this show and change her mind. she want us to divorce asap. I am so much hurting by all this. we love each other and got marry but we can not live together as his mother did not accept it. she told my husband that she would not accept him as her son if he continue this marriage. I tried to make her understand few times but she just do not accept it, the reason is am from lower cast than her. My husband is under her pressure and cant understand what would he do now. I am so depress because of all this. I wish i would not be indian and nobody would underestimate me like this. his mother did not even met me once but she just care about my cast. cast is everything for them. In Australia discrimination is crime, they do not even discriminate even when person is from other country but in india they are from same country still they do discrimination in name of cast, religion. This is not right. Even i feel sometime i want to just kill myself as it is so hard for me to go through it. if this would continue so many people would kill themselves because they fall in love with someone who is from different cast.

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    I belongs to so-called Kumhar caste and the Girl belongs to so-called Tyagi family and we have the friendship since last 9 years with all compassion, understanding and love. But girls family is not ready to accept this even her father is a doctor n mother is teacher.

    I am a SBI employee and homoeopathic physician aged 27. My future lies with the path as you shown of encouraging Spiritualistic and Social aspects irrespective of Boundaries, Religion, Caste, Race etc. But today, I myself get entangled in this ardent n orthodoxy face of caste system. I belongs to so-called Kumhar caste and the Girl belongs to so-called Tyagi family and we have the friendship since last 9 years with all compassion, understanding and love. But girls family is not ready to accept this even her father is a doctor n mother is teacher. We requested a lot but no mercy to both of us. They told to the girl that either go with them or have court marriage but girl and i also can’t marry like this because then they will not leave us. My family esp my father is in favour of inter-caste marriage but not on the verge of fights and all. You are the guide of many. Please show me the way so that all get settled without any dispute or fight. Thanking you sir Dr. verma (Delhi)

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    The only problem is that the guy is a Punjabi and girl is a Jain and because of which their family is not agreeing for the marriage. Their point is that their other children’s might be affected because of this inter caste marriage.

    My close friend (Rahul, name changed, age - 25), working with an reputed company want to marry a girl (Neha, name changed, age - 23) with whom he has been in relation for more than 9 years. The only problem is that the guy is a Punjabi and girl is a Jain and because of which their family is not agreeing for the marriage. Their point is that their other children’s might be affected because of this inter caste marriage. However, Rahul tried to convince them but it was all waste as their parents are not even ready to listen. He finally took a step of getting married at ARYA Samaj and after that they moved to court for court marriage in front of magistrate but somehow Neha’s dad came to know about it and later did a big drama at court even hitting Neha mercilessly and finally breaking up all the things at court and thus court marriage was not possible. I request to guide or need help from your team as i cannot see them apart as i know how much do they love each other. Pls pls need your support so as to convince their parents and i believe after watching this intolerance to love episode might help us to go further to help them get married with their family consent. I am looking for an advice of how to make it happen as neha's dad is ready for honour killing and i am not sure till which extent he can go. Pls help.

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    I made a mistake of being in a love with a PUNJABI girl. We know each other from last 6-1/2 yrs now and wanna get married. From last 2 yrs i m tryin to convince my parents. But they sayin they will kill themselves if i will marry that girl as it will spoil their image in their samaaj...

    Hi. i missed ur episode tonite but the moment it got over i got 7-8 calls from my friends tellin me i should hv shown it to my father. now i will tel the reason why? i m a 26 yrs old from haryana n from so called JAAT community which i hate myself to associate with as i m a human being on top. I studied in 1 of the top most college in country. Did everything i could to make my parents happy. But according to them i made a mistake of being in a love with a PUNJABI girl. We know each other from last 6-1/2 yrs now and wanna get married. From last 2 yrs i m tryin to convince my parents. But they r against it n sayin they will not harm me but will kill themselves if i will marry that girl as it will spoil their image in their samaaj... my gfs parents hv no problem and they did our ring ceremony 3 months back but no 1 from my family was involved. I don’t know what to do we hv planned our marriage date on 24th nov. I hv just 5 months to convince my father, but i m sure he will never accept my marriage... now i would like to put some light on that so called samaj f my father...they are ppl whose thinking is this.. 1. If u drink or smoke than a girl will born in ur family. Which will be worse than any punishment for you... 2.before fallin in love or relation u shoul hv checked the caste f girl. 3. A girl who’s n love with u will be a prostitute as she didn’t respect her parent’s n got involved in a relationship before marriage. 4. no other caste is superior than their caste which is jaat... 5. accordin to them their is not a single love marriage which lasts long. 6. A female should never work or leave home. And they should be beaten every day so that they will stay in control...

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    Her father is a govt. officer and also an astrolger and my dad thinks that as a negative thing in terms of 'Jadu Tona' and thinks that the girl and her parents have done something on me because of which I am not coming back to them.

    Hello Aamir, Being your fan since my childhood, I really appreciate your initiative of 'Satyamev Jayate'. I am Sunny (name changed) (M/27) originally from Punjab but currently staying in Delhi. It was 3rd June when I saw your episode of Intolerance to Love and felt like my own story being shown on the TV. I am in love with a girl from last 8 years and recently married her in Court in November 2011 after endless tries to convince my parents to accept her. She is a well-educated girl, currently working in New Delhi. I belong to a Sikh family and my parents are true believers and have endless faith in god. My story started in my engineering college in Punjab when I met the girl, we became friends and fell in love. I was known that my parents MIGHT not accept her because of caste problem (although she is a Sikh too, but I am Khatri and she's a Jutt), still I could not step back even after trying to. Finally, I initiated a talk to my mom again and they both talked very nicely and I requested them again to re-consider their hard decision, but no luck. Finally, I did a court marriage after thinking too much, taking advice from my Bua Ji and Uncle, they talked to my parents but no luck again. Now, it’s been more than 6 months we're married, we're still not staying together as we did not do 'Phere' as per our rituals, which are done in presence of parents. My parents know this and still talk to me normally when I visit them, but they always say that we will NEVER come for your wedding for that girl and we'll never see her face. Problem they think: Her father is a govt. officer and also an astrolger and my dad thinks that as a negative thing in terms of 'Jadu Tona' and thinks that the girl and her parents have done something on me because of which I am not coming back to them. I am stuck badly, as I am not able to stay with her, while we both want to and my parents are not agreeing to anything. I have an elder sister who is also not helping and rather pulling my leg sometimes. We both are staying in PGs in New Delhi and dying to live with my parents since last 1 year.

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